It’s magical.
It is a rollercoaster of emotions.
You know you are running on adrenaline for two weeks and then there will be a massive drop…
This is the Olympics. It happens to everyone, not just the athletes, but also the people who work in it. It is such a high for everyone, from those who always dreamt of being there, to those who are doing it for the 11th time.
This is my third Olympic experience. It is different than Rio and Tokyo and probably the best one so far. I am grateful for being part of it and I took time to take it all in, to really enjoy every moment of it, but to also pause and look back at the little kid who wanted to break the world record and compete at the Olympics, and the Lebanese woman who had to overcome countless hurdles to be here.
Being an active athlete still confuses a lot of people I meet. I’ve got questioned what event I’m competing in at the Olympics, which is bitter-sweet. Bitter because it is a reminder that one of my dreams never came true, and sweet because I do look like an athlete and I’m proud of it.
This experience was beautiful. My role as a photographer at the Games is something I really enjoy doing but I don’t often have opportunities to do it. I’m grateful to be able to take on this role at the Games knowing a lot of great photographers don’t get this opportunity. I was with a team of amazingly talented photographers, Dan Vernon and Mattia Ozbot. I felt, just because I’m with these two, I have to step-up my game. 10 years ago, in Nanjing 2014 Youth Olympic Games when I was part of the IOC Young Reporters program, I said in an interview: “we’re just like the athletes, producing excellent work while respecting each other and being competitive, and forging long lasting friendships.” I am very happy that I witnessed history and that the images I took immortalise some of the greatest moments of our sport.
When you are a photographer at any competition, you experience the Games through a different lens, you see some things up close and you miss a lot of other moments. What struck me the most as an athlete was to see some of the athletes reallyyyyy enjoying it. Having fun performing and delivering a really nice show. This marked me the most and reminded me to do the same on and off the field of play.
I was fully prepared for the Games but now that the magic ended, I can honestly say I was never prepared for the post Olympics blues. I didn’t expect it to hit that hard. After running on adrenaline, the drop in chemicals is not something i could have controlled. The fatigue and exhaustion of the job add up too. I’ve been reading a lot about mental health, i’ve asked for help before but experiencing this is completely different.
I’m just telling myself that it is okay to feel this way, while also knowing that a lot of people and athletes are feeling it and probably worse. It is shared among everyone who experienced the magic, and it shall pass. I keep reminding myself to feel the feelings, and to wait for everything to go back to normal.
The most unspoken side of the blues is that it doesn’t only affect you, it affects your entourage. It is easier for people to empathise with others when they see them go through grief. But this is not physical, this is so different in its form that your surrounding will not necessarily understand. They will question your happiness because you just came back from the Olympics how great is that!? they will ask. But happiness is a scale, when it goes super high super quickly, it will drop super low supper quickly. So be patient with us, give us time to process our emotions and come back to who we are. Because right now, we are questioning ourselves and prefer to stay low until we rise again.
Let’s get back to business.
After this experience, the only thing I’m thinking about right now is when ill be back on track, give myself the chance to compete at the level i want, try to push the boundaries a bit more despite the changes I am feeling in my body, the increased pain everywhere. I am only thinking about giving myself the chance to do what I believe I can do. It feels like unfinished business especially when you know deep down that you havent given your best yet. I don’t want to live with a what if, so I’m going to make choices that will get me closer to my goals before I decide to let it go. But the most important remains the same: enjoy what you are doing while you can still do it.
One last push.
